PIGEON POST
YOUR MESSAGE IS PROBABLY GOING NOWHERE.
Officially Unofficial Since Approximately Never.
WHERE IS THIS LETTER GOING?
OR GRAB A PRE-WRITTEN DISASTER:
WE TAKE YOUR COMPLAINTS VERY SERIOUSLY.
Every complaint is reviewed by our senior delivery specialist, who cannot read.
“My letter arrived in 1842. The recipient was confused, but polite.”
— Disappointed Customer #404
“I sent my boss a resignation letter. The pigeon delivered a pizza menu.”
— Former Employee
“Technically, it arrived. Technically, it was a pigeon.”
— Anonymous
“The tracking page was more reliable than the bird.”
— Customer With Unrealistic Expectations
Fictional satirical reviews. Not real customer ratings.
OUR NUMBERS ARE QUESTIONABLE. OUR CONFIDENCE IS NOT.
Figures are fictional, mathematically suspicious and completely unsuitable for operational decisions.
A TEAM YOU SHOULD NOT TRUST.
Chief Executive Pigeon
Handles every delivery personally and badly.
Gerald the Intern
Loses mail before it is even accepted.
The Seagull Consultant
Charges extra and steals the lunch.
WE CANNOT GUARANTEE DELIVERY.
WE CANNOT GUARANTEE THE ADDRESS.
WE CANNOT GUARANTEE THE PIGEON.
BUT WE CAN GUARANTEE THAT SOMETHING PROBABLY HAPPENED.